Mohawk Gringo Unleashed

Yesterday I asked a 3rd grade special Ed teacher why she
specializes in retards. And I told another girl I don’t
wear underwear because I don’t like doing the laundry. I
asked two random girls “Do girls hate each other?” I
accused my buddy’s wife (a very white girl) of having a
little black in her because her ass was so big.

But I wasn’t just picking on women yesterday.

I rubbed a barely overweight guys belly and told him he
didn’t need any ice cream. I regularly call a Latino guy
where I work a brown guy. I heckled a 30-year old friend of
mine because he just now graduated college.

Now before you start ranting and raving and calling me a
big jerk I’ll admit that these were all very highly
offensive.

But nobody got offended…in fact they were all la ughing
and loving me for it.

I know so because of the smiles and laughs. I made all
these seemingly rude comments with the intention of making
them feel better about themselves.

Wait being rude makes them feel better?! Scratching your
head right now? Well then, you have much to learn…

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that you
can say damn near anything as long as you make someone
laugh. And it’s not difficult…you just have to develop
confidence that your intentions are good and learn these
three simple steps.

Then you will have a fearless social life:

1. Learn how to Effortlessly Start a Conversation

There’s a right and a wrong way to do everything. Don’t
believe me? Go try and open up a peanut butter jar by
turning the lid clockwise.

Ain’t gonna work.

Making friends, landing new jobs, and never feeling nervous
or anxious at any social event are just a few benefits of
knowing how to effortlessly start a conversation. And the
best thing is, once you learn the few basic steps starting
a conversation in any situation is fast and easy.

2. Develop Personality Traits that People Like

Quick question…

Who is more fun, a guy who makes you laugh constantly, or a
guy who constantly complains about how depressed he is and
who hates his life.

Exactly…

The simple difference is personality traits. And the simple
fact is some personality traits are just more attractive.
And when you make these magical personality traits part of
how YOU act…fun and exciting people are drawn to you like
steel to a magnet.

3. Develop a Fun Mindset

This may be the most important one of all.

Because deep down inside you will NEVER live a more fun
life until you make enjoying yourself a priority.

And I think that is just sad…that someone can go their
entire life feeling like every moment is an uphill battle.
Rather than a smooth life of happiness and bliss, they live
a life of work and struggle.

And unless you want to live out the rest of your life
lonely, fearful and against the wind these are skills that
must be practiced. There are many other keys to a fearless
social life - but these three will keep you busy for life.
Use them and experience the benefits.

Big Fun,
Mohawk Gringo

Mohawk Sez: I go over these three skills in detail and many
more in my bestselling book Legendary Life. And now you can
pick up a copy absolutely f-r-e-e and experience firsthand
just how much easier and more enjoyable they will make
every social event for you. Just visit
www.mohawkgringo.com/fearlessliving.htm to see all of the
details.

One of the first things I did when I bought my townhouse over four years ago was paint a map of the world on one of the walls. Nothing fancy, just a black outline about seven feet wide.

I did it for one reason. So that every time I walked by it I would look at my little state of Florida – where I’ve lived most of my life –  and realize how little I’ve done and how much of the world was left for me to explore. This is a big planet and I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of it.

I just got done painting over that map. And I couldn’t be happier. After almost four years of living here, I’m moving on.

But you may be thinking, “Mohawk, what are you happy about?

And my response is, “I don’t know why I’m happy.”

 I sure as hell don’t have any good reason to be. Technically, I’m homeless. And now I have to bother with tenants and collecting rent checks and all that.

I’d continue…”But why do you need a reason to be happy? What’s wrong with being happy for happy’s sake? Why you trying to bring me down? Can’t a man feel happy without a logical reason for being happy?”

I know what it is. It’s those annoying little emotions that pop-up when confronted with the unknown. Maybe you’ve heard of ‘em - Anxiety…Insecurity… Fear.

These are the states of emotion that most people live their life in. That cement them to a certain way of doing. Of thinking. Of living.

Where am I going to live? Will I like my neighbors? Stress. Stress. Stress.

Nature abhors a vacuum, and so does your brain. So they answer these questions by making crap up. And if you’re not trained in controlling your thoughts, your brain runs wild and imagines the worst possible scenario.

Not only will you live in a ghetto, but your apartment will be infested with rats and you’ll have to share a mattress with a crack-head. Not only will you not like your neighbors, but they’ll be 80 year old overweight nudists with a penchant for volleyball…in your living room.

Of all the things I know how to do…I have no clue how to predict the future. I can’t know whether I’ll love the new place I’m living or hate it.

And neither can you.

And all of the stress you create in your head of the made up horrible future possibilities is robbing you more than you’ll ever know.

So do yourself a favor and stop it already.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

Mohawk sez: Are you still thinking about how much your future is going to suck ass rather than how great it is going to be. Knock it off! Get Legendary Life – www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm - to discover the easy way to a happier life.

I keep my tools, three surfboards, a bicycle, my diving equipment and my racing motorcycle in there.

So imagine my horror when I walk out my front door this morning and see the lock dangling from the slightly ajar door…screws crow-barred from the frame.

You know that feeling. Immediately, I go into Crazy Mohawk Gonna Kill Someone mode (CMGKSM). Of course I start imagining the worst…everything stolen with just a note left that reads SUCKER!I throw my gym back and car keys at my girlfriend and pull back the jimmied door.

Surprise! The motorcycle is still there…as are the tools…and the bicycle…and dive stuff. They took just one of my surfboards.

Hahahahaha…what luck!

Surveying the damage, I was happy.  Compared to what they could of stole I felt like I made out like a bandit. And since it’s just a surfboard I’m sure I’ll see it at the local beach and all I’ll have to do is put on a little Mohawk Special Kind of Persuasion (MSKP) and get it back.They were even nice enough to put the bungie cord that holds the boards up back in place.

What luck!

The funny thing was I was only really pissed for about three seconds. I learned a long time ago that there is no use getting all worked up about things you can’t change.And if someone steals something from you, 9 times out of 10 you can’t change that. You either hurt yourself more – and let the event control you – by staying mad.

Or you get on with your life – and you control how you feel about the event.

Yeah, sometimes life sucks. Get over it and learn how to be happy about it.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

Mohawk sez: Do you let outside events and people dictate how you act and feel? You will always be powerless until you take control of your mind. I can help…but the courage to be a doer comes from you. Read on to learn more www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm 
 

Readers unfamiliar with the psychology term cognitive dissonance would probably like to stay that way.  But unfortunately I’m not very good at picking up subtle cues like “I have a boyfriend” or “stop putting your privates in the fruit punch” or even “perhaps you should stop pulling out your knife at parties, Mohawk” so I’ll just keep on talking.

Basically if it wasn’t for cognitive dissonance, your head would freaking explode.

This is how that little cabeza of yours works (cabeza is Spanish for “head”, damn you guys are learning a bunch today)…

Step 1. Thought pops in cabeza…such as “Gee, I’d like an apple”

Step 2. You either get an apple or you don’t

Step 3. Thought disappears

What’s going on? Either you get an apple and you’re happy.

Or you don’t get an apple and you keep on looking – getting more stressed out because you know your evil girlfriend has taken all of the apples and hidden them like some sort of pseudo easter apple bunny in July even though you promised her you’d stop pelting the crazy crossing guard lady with apples when she’s not looking – until you do.

Eventually your mind starts to freak out so much because you can’t find the apple so you drop the thought altogether.

This little freak out is caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously – wanting an apple vs. the reality of not having one.

And there is only two ways to relieve this stress caused by you freaking out…either get the apple or stop thinking about it.

Think about it, when you can’t find your car keys don’t you get madder and madder until you do? And if you really really need your keys – like say because if you don’t find them you’ll be late to court for the third time in a row for not paying your child support payments on time and the stupid judge will throw you in jail again, and then how do you expect me to make money to pay my stupid child support payments if I’m in jail – you can’t just stop thinking about finding them.

That’s cognitive dissonance at work.

Your mind comes up with some thought and seeks it until the stress becomes so unbearable and it gives up to go seek something else.

This whole rant comes to mind because I was at the beach the other day and I walked past a 10 year old boy complaining to his mom. He kept on saying, “Mom, I’m bored.”

Seeking to free the little boy from his boredom – and impart a little bit of unsolicited worldly advice to the little bastard – I scream at him, “Dammit you young fool! Don’t you know you are starting a viscious cycle where insisting to yourself and those around you that you are bored…you are setting up a cognitive dissonance feedback loop that will grow wildy out of control throwing you into deeper and deeper fits of depression…until some outside stimulus engages you only further cementing your stupid and wrong beliefs that the way to happiness isn’t self reliance, self motivation, and a can do attitude…but the slave-like and leeching happy-taking behavior that drives away fun, spontaneous, and happy people in the first place?”

Like most young mothers she gave me this menacing snarl for absolutely no reason. But then I realized she didn’t have a wedding band on, and I figured she was just mad because the guy who knocked her up realized what an awful life he would have if he married her and hightailed it out of dodge.

So that made me feel better about myself.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

Mohawk Sez: A lot of good things happen when you focus on yourself. By making yourself better in many aspects of your life you attract good, smart and successful people into your life because that’s the type of people they want to be around. If you don’t do this…you’re an idiot.

And one of the personality traits that good, smart and successful people like is people who know how to have fun. You can learn many ways to have fun at www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm

I almost forgot to tell you guys that I shaved off the moustache.

I had to.

You see I was at the racetrack a week ago. You may have seen the pictures in my blog.

Well, I was flying into the first of three turns when a girl jammed me and passed on the inside.

Of course, my ultra Mohawk tough and manly side (UMTAMS) came out and I dealt with her the only way I know how to deal with women…inappropriately.

Speeding up in the straightaway, I had it all planned out in my head.  First, I’d late brake and cut on the inside of her…gently nudging her front wheel out causing her and her bike to go sliding down the tarmac. Then, I’d wheelie away laughing and twirling my ultra manly moustache.

Like most things in life, it played out much better in my head.

I didn’t catch up to her while speeding up in the straightaway…instead I just gave myself an extra 8-10 mph going into the corner.

I’m looking at my calculator right now trying to punch in the numbers to see exactly what happens when you go too fast around a corner…the answer is 8,594.

Wheeee!!!

Flying off the track and sliding on my back, I realized how this was no more comfortable than most of my interactions with women.

When I got back home that night I looked myself in the mirror and realized the moustache was way too manly for me.

I had to shave it off.

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Mohawk Gringo sez: So I say to the bartender, “If you are not regularly finding new and interesting ways to entertain yourself, and create fun for you and all those around you, then you are an idiot!”

And I see that he’s listening intently to me, because he stands back and folds his arms and looks me right in the eye. So I add, “And even though you are greasy-looking fat and old, and your wife probably has horrible corns on her feet and mirror shattering armpit odor there are still little things you can do each day to have more fun in life. You can find them at www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm”

Then, instead of taking my advice and living a much, much better life, he hits me with an full bottle of Canadian Mixed Whiskey! Joke’s on him though.  My head broke the bottle and I got covered in sweet free alcohol. Stupid, stupid bartender. Don’t make the same mistake!

Before we get going with today’s message I must warn you…the image contained herein is downright ridiculous. And lest you think I’m including them just so you can mention in casual conversation, “Ha hahaha, why yes I do have proof that purple, yellow and moustaches are one hell of a horrible combination…” there is a powerful and important message if you read on.

But first, to the picture…

As you can see I’m wearing a ridiculous purple and yellow suit racing a teeny tiny motorcycle, and I have a moustache.

But what you don’t see is how much glorious, glorious fun I am having.

Because alot of fun and happiness comes from one simple thing - letting go.

Now, if I was all self conscious that people were laughing at me because of my colorful suit. Or that they were laughing at me because I was racing a tiny motorcycle. Or that they were laughing at me because of my silly moustache.

Do you think I could be happy?

Nope. It’s impossible to be happy when you are filled with worry, doubt and fear.

But today’s message isn’t really about me…it’s about you.  What are you self conscious of? What would you really love to be doing right now if it wasn’t for what “other people would think about me”? Where is the real you?

How would your life be playing out if you weren’t constantly second guessing yourself? Worrying about what other people think about you? Fearful of what other people think?

These are important and powerful questions. And answering them is the first step on your journey towards happiness.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

P.S. Worry, doubt and fear can hold you back more than you can imagine. Go to www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm to discover how to banish them from your life forever.

Sometimes the simple things in life bring you the most pleasure.

Case in point…I grew a moustache.  It’s a ridiculous looking thing. And every mother I pass in public grabs their daughters like I just pulled up in a van filled with candy.

That just makes it funnier.

You heard that right…you’re a quadrillionaire.

That’s $1 000 000 000 000 000.

But not here in the states, in Zimbabwe. Some crackpot dictator over there has free reign over the printing presses and he’s working them overtime.

As I write this, one U.S. dollar is worth a hair over $13 TRILLION Zimbabwe dollars.

To put that in perspective, you’d have to put over a billion Zimbabwe coins in a coke machine to get a soda.

Congratulations then, all those dreams you’ve had of being a billionaire have finally come true. Don’t you feel better now?

Didn’t think so.

So what’s your perspective of being a billionaire now?

I bet you’d much rather be a billionaire in U.S. dollars than Zimbabwean dollars, right? It’s all a matter of perspective.

That’s kinda how happiness works too.

It’s easy to judge your accomplishments against those of others.  It’s easy to look at what other people have and feel inferior. But the fact is, just because they’ve done more or have more doesn’t make them any more happy then you.

And in some cases (and I can personally attest to this) having more stuff is just an anchor.

Instead of judging yourself on where other people are in their life, judge yourself by how far YOU have come.

If a year ago you couldn’t do one pushup and now you can do 50 – congratulations, you’re moving on up.

If two months ago you couldn’t walk up and start a conversation with a stranger and now you can make eye contact and say hi – congratulations, you’re moving on up.

If five years ago you were a hermit stuck in your room playing video games and now you travel the world, make friends with ease and have hobbies you love immensely – congratulations, you’re moving on up.

The key is to always strive to move up. Remember, happiness comes from your accomplishments in life.  Not comparing yourself to others.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

$250 Million Zimbabwe bill

Whole bunch of worthless money

I was thinking about all the friends I have the other day
and the experiences we had.

One of my best friends from high school.  Surfing in
Hawaii.  Go carting at Grand Prix Race-o-rama.  Swimming
out to Peanut Island during a hurricane.  Kayaking in the
keys.

My buddies from college.  I have more stories than I can
remember about crazy nights: in Ybor City, in Alabama, in
Miami, in Atlanta and Tallahassee.
 
And other friends I’ve met along the way.  Mountain
biking in Montana.  Surfing in Costa Rica.  Hiking the
Appalachian trail.  White Water rafting in West Virginia.

All experiences I can look back at and say, damn that was a
great time.

It’s one of the reasons why I’m constantly on guard.
Constantly looking out for new people to bring into the
fold.

Because I know the more friends I have, the more bad-ass
life changing experiences I’ll have.

And since this little e-zine is dedicated to your happiness
and your fun in life, I’m going to share my 4-step plan
for making new friends.  Here goes:

1.Determine what type of friends you want.  Are they
drinking buddies?  Girlfriends for shopping?  Softball
teammates?

2.Go where those people are.  You’ll find drinking
buddies at a bar.  Girlfriends for shopping at the mall.
Softball teammates running around the jogging track.

3.Open your mouth. Start a conversation and find out if
they’re o.k. or big douchebags.  Try not to act like a
big douchebag.

4.Repeat as necessary.

O.k.  I know that sounded simple.  But it really is that
simple.  There’s possible friends all around, you just
have to get off your duff and go find them.

And that’s the clincher, you have to go find them.  That
means taking your thumb out of your ass and doing a little
work.

Just a little though.

In my experience, the tough one for people is number 3.
They just don’t know how to open their mouth.  They
don’t know the right things to say in the right order to
make new friends.

And that sucks.  Because I know for damn sure if I didn’t
make the effort to make new friends I wouldn’t have done
HALF of the cool stuff I did above. 

No trip to Costa Rica. No White Water rafting in West
Virginia.  No partying in Miami, Atlanta or Hawaii surfing.

That’s why I’ve created a special report called Open
yer Mouth: What To Say When You Don’t Know What To Say.

In it I outline the best way to get over the fear of
talking to strangers.  I give you two easy ways to start a
conversation and the 3 questions you must always ask a
potential new friend.

And it’s yours free when you order a copy of Legendary
Life – www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm

But I’m only making this report available until June
18th.   So get that finger out of your ass and order now.

Big Fun,

Mohawk Gringo

P.S.  If you’ve had trouble meeting new people you need
to read this special report.  But it’s only available
until June 18th. 
Goto www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm now.

The other day I was sitting at my parents house reading the
only good part of the local paper…the comics.  I generally
like the comics, but all of the family-oriented strips have
one pitiful theme running through them.

Just like many real life families, the comic strip wives
have their husbands by the balls.  And everytime I see
this, it makes me want to projectile vomit and smack those
emasculated sissy boys.

Case in point.  The Thursday May 29th Sally Forth strip.
As soon as I read it my blood came to a boil.

Sally is asking her husband Ted Forth if he wants another
baby and his response is, “Can I say ‘No’ and not sound
like the biggest jerk on the planet?”

Ted Forth is a god damn pussy. 

I’m not overreacting either.  Instead of just leaving the
answer at no, he communicated something at a much deeper
level.  He essentially said, “No, I don’t want a baby.  But
since I know you want one, me not agreeing with you is not
only unimportant.  It is also rude.”

If you’re a man and you act like this - grow some balls.

Listen, you don’t need to justify your decisions to anyone.
Especially when it affects your future or your property.
Nobody has the right to intimidate, ask for reasons why, or
make you feel bad about the decisions you feel are right for
you.

In that vein, I’m going to give you two words to use the
next time this situation arises…

F**K OFF

Big Fun,
Mohawk Gringo

P.S. Do you act like Ted Forth?  Grow some cojones and buy
Legendary Life - www.mohawkgringo.com/legendarylife.htm